Caister Treacle Mine Workers' Retirement Page

Excellent news, Simon has found a supplier via the grapevine. Apparently there's a place called Woolworths, and they have everything he needs to patch up the screen for the treacle filters. Think we'd best venture out to find one of these oasis in the desert... can't wait to give Simon the good news when we find one.

Another year has flown by, yet another to come. Simon, our technical manager has just informed me that parts needed for our ageing equipment is becoming more difficult to get, so I think it's time to get out the sticky tape and yoghurt pots... Have a happy new year all, stay safe and healthy.

As these days get warmer, it seems that production never ends. Well, it doesn't; even if Steve, our engineer, decides to shut the wrong valves again... He's doing that a lot recently, I think I'll be speaking to the training manager, as that's his brother. All's well in the mine, spirits are high, and so is Steve...... I may have found the problem....!!!

After months of wondering why the output levels were so low this winter, we found that Sue, our HR manager has tapped a small diameter pipe in the main line. No wonder Tesco hasn't been ordering any treacle since November. We had to sack her unfortunately, now we have no idea who is where... Meanwhile, in other news, we have found a stowaway in the bowels of the mine. Mind, he's been dead a few years, the smell emanating from him wasn't nice. I always thought it was Brian's feet....

Well, it seems that the nights are getting shorter. We sent Selina our receptionist (well, I call it a reception, but really it's just the alleyway out the front) out this morning for some coffee, and she's not back yet. I know Tesco really isn't that far away... On a lighter note, we're stepping up on our process line ready for the festive period. Hopefully the crew will be able to work a little quicker, but some of the team are well into their retirement age. Might have to start a recruitment drive at some point...

It must have been a sunny day, the constant rumble of feet above us is normally a really good indication. Then again, we don't mind. We had a bit of an upset this week, the main valve jammed open two days ago, and poor old Eric has been trying to sorry it out. He's had some problems with tooling, as most of them were used as hammers last winter. Thick treacle + cold pipes = recipe for disaster...

It's time for the latest news here in the mine. Simon, our chief taster has got a deadly case of the flu. We're having to quarantine him for the foreseeable future. Mind you, this probably isn't the latest news, he has been missing for a fair while. I suppose we could send out a search party.... In other news, we've been working on a new way to amuse ourselves whilst here in the mine. With the wind whistling through the door, we're playing "name that tune"....!!

Well, the word on the grapevine is that in a couple of weeks, a plump fella dressed in red will be spreading joy to the world. What I'd like to know is how our quality control expert Eric is meant to do that? He's had the same red velvet suit on for the last 8 years.... It's difficult enough for him to crack a smile, never mind bringing joy to the world...

This is the time of year when you remember. Now, if I could only remember where I left the keys to the filing cabinets... Barry, our clerk, is chasing around the office like a headless llama. He's back from holidays, and has left his filing until the last minute again. He's in a right flap, throwing files around the office to try to find the keys. No wait. They're in the door. *sigh*

Brian now has a new friend. He's tired of the constant need to get out the calor gas heaters every time the pipes go cold. He has a new - fangled type of thermometer. You point it at where you want to measure, and a red dot comes out. Apparently, he reckons that the dot is sufficient heat to keep the treacle flowing. I'm not convinced... Answers on the back of a stamp....

We really can't work this out. One day, the treacle is flowing freely (like Captain Morgan's rum some days), then another day, we have to get Brian, our lead engineer (so he'd like to call himself) out unblocking the pipes. We may have to venture out at some point to see what is happening above ground. Then again, last time that happened, Mick, the head taster, brought back some rhubarb. Now if only we had some way of doing something with it. Ended up being used for jousting sticks in the pump room.

Yes, it's been very quiet. 2014 wasn't a good year for us here, with the apparent merger with Tate and Lyle (all lies, by the way) , the biting Easterly winds and then we couldn't find the keys to the secret door. It was tough, I tell you, having to chip away at the treacle, and not be able to run down to Tesco... Hopefully 2015 will smile on us. At least the dog is happy.

We've pondered on new ways to distribute our Black "gold" in these difficult times. Seeing as the word gold is such a precedent nowadays, it seems everyone wants to make it big from selling gold. I'd like to think this could be an easy way to make a few bob, but sources tell me that our gold is the wrong type.....!!!!

Only a week to go....!!!

We just had a thought down here in the depths. We've been trying to figure out what the whooshing sound was every 4 or 5 seconds. On the few occasions that we're allowed out, we've noticed half the beach has gone...!!! Well, at least the Manor house Hotel is visible again... Been a while since we saw that building...

Now Christmas is so far away, it's time to focus our efforts on other prospects. Obviously, Shrove Tuesday helps relieve the overflows in the mine for a while, and at least we can sit back and watch the black gold ooze for a while. We can store the frozen stuff for at least a year...!!! I wonder if there's any way we can use this treacle for Easter? Answers on a plate please...

We really don't like this time of year, it's always darker than light, so it's so much harder to harvest the treacle when you can't see it. We weren't worried about the end of the world either, we're in a sticky situation day in, day out. Festive greetings to all, just remember, if you're driving, take your own car home.