Alison Kirkham: Beloved Celebrant And Life Storyteller

Not the most flattering of angles, but I found a little mini double headed daffodil in my garden this morning. This was perfect for a little corsage with some rosemary for remembrance. A bobby dazzler of an outfit for Nikki!

This morning we said 'bon voyage' to our friend Nikki. She was a splendid individual with many friends and acquaintances all around the world, and under normal circumstances they would have travelled. I imagine, they would have packed the crematorium to busting point, instead of which there were ten of us practicing social distancing!
However, from where I was I could see everyone checking in with each other, not with a hand or a hug, but with a nod or a smile, and I could fe...el empathy all around in the air.
The video-link worked well. Obviously it's not the same, and as someone commented afterwards, it's a bit surreal sitting in Scotland watching a funeral service in Stafford, but it was something good. And somehow the hearts of all those people watching were in the chapel with us.
We still had messages of love, still had music and photographs, still had chosen poems and it was a closure of sorts. Not by any means as colourful or vibrant as it might have been, but on refection I still think it was a comfort.
Flower tributes are on hold at the moment but as a reflection of Nikki's Welsh roots we all brought daffodils to cover the coffin, and the very best thing about this morning was the homemade flower tribute created by Nikki's children. See below!
I was worried that this morning wouldn't be good enough, I was worried that it wouldn't reflect the Nikki I knew, but I have been reminded that it was just one small part of the grieving process. And in a good way, there is now room to plan something truly beautiful for later in the year.
Perhaps there is something to learn here, perhaps it doesn't all need to be completed on one single day!
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I have just been asked to lead the farewell service for a lady who lived to be 108!! She arrived the same year the Titanic sank, she was a small child through the First World War, and of course she survived the Second World War and the Spanish Flue! I am just so excited to hear her story!
I have been looking at fashion from 1912, the year she was born, and then from 1933 the year she was 21, and it's fascinating to recall how things have changed.
I could look at pictures like this all day!

I know you will spare a thought for funeral directors and crematorium staff in the coming weeks. The ones I work for are doing a fantastic job in dealing with the most challenging circumstances of Covid19.
Things are changing almost daily as they try to minimise the risk of contagion for themselves and for the families they look after.
They are having to think about the widest range of situations you can possibly imagine, from dealing with and preparing the deceased to manag...ing groups of grief stricken people safely but with compassion.
There are so many areas of concern; the visits, the viewings, the planning, the funeral cars, the bearing, the funeral seating, the hymn books, the donation money, the meet and greet, the wakes and the sheer volumes of people, and all of these are being looked at and adjusted for now.
And yet, even with all the protections that they will put in place, they are still on the front line and just like the NHS and other vital services they cannot stay at home. So please, spare a little thought for them.
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Dear all,
After last nights announcement from Boris Johnson, I just want to let people know that for now I am still available to do funerals, if I am needed, but in order to protect myself and others I will have some immovable personal caveats;
Firstly, I am restricting myself to a small number of funerals a week, simply because in the current situation I don’t want to get run down and leave myself open to the virus.
... Secondly, I will only work at Stafford Crematorium and local cemeteries, I won’t be travelling to any other Crematoriums outside the area.
Thirdly, I will not be doing any home visits at all. If people are not happy to talk to me over the phone or on some other communication platform then sadly, I won’t be able to help them at the present time.
Lastly, and most upsettingly for me, on the day of the funeral I won’t be able to greet people at the door of the chapel when they arrive. This is because with the best will in the world I cannot stop myself from wanting to get too close. I will therefore be ready at the lectern as the family comes into the chapel, I will stay at the lectern throughout and leave the chapel before the family.
All this goes against the very grain of everything I believe in, however it now has to be done. I have been explaining it to the families that I am currently working with and so far everyone has been very understanding.
Stay safe everyone.
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I have been thinking about the Coronavirus within the context of organising and delivering funeral services over the next few weeks and I feel there are just a few points that I’d like to stress.......calmly of course!
As an ex nurse I am very conscious of routes of transmission and understand that a funeral congregation is the perfect place to effectively pass a virus around. As well as sitting in close proximity to one another, people are often emotional, they cry into tiss...ues, they hug and kiss with tear stained faces, and they shake hands that have been unconsciously holding wet tissues. Obviously we need a calm and judicious response to the virus, and people have to grieve, but we do also have a social responsibility to one another in areas of high risk.
Once I have agreed to lead a funeral for you, I need to stay well myself in order to deliver that funeral on the day, so I ask that if you have cold or flue symptoms, you tell me before I come to visit to do the arrangement. There is always the option of including someone over the phone or on WhatsApp.
Please don’t be offended if I don’t shake your hand or give you a hug, where appropriate I love to hug and kiss people, but shaking hands in particular is a great way to silently pass the virus from person to person. A good way of showing appreciation, rather than a hand shake, is to give a thumbs up, or touch your heart and smile, these gestures are just as meaningful.
On the day of the funeral, it is a comfort to have a chapel full of mourners, but at the same time we need to show concern for anyone elderly and vulnerable and give them permission to stay away if that would be prudent. Stafford crematorium has a video link that people can access so they can watch the service remotely from home.
The following video shows different ways to greet; some are silly in my opinion, like the foot shake, but some are really nice. Namaste!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbK3zQV46 4Y
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“They used to make do and mend" is an expression I hear an awful lot in my job. Mending and maintaining things is a practice that I personally have enormous respect for and I notice that when reminiscing about elderly relatives, it's an attitude that we reflect upon with great pride, and yet who amongst us darns our socks!
It's funny because there was once a profound stigma attached to 'making do', and you made do because you couldn't afford to buy new, a visible darn was sad...ly viewed as a sign of poverty or miserliness. And yet we do admire these skills.
One would hope that with the state of our planet, there might be a renaissance of skills such as sock darning and the tools that go with this practice. Wouldn't it be nice if we could look back to those days of old, pick up the useful threads, and in that way honour the hard working hands of our ancestors.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyI5NjX2N pY
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I have got some gorgeous wedding celebrations coming up this Summer, all so very individual and I am looking forward to officiating at each and every one for very different reasons. However, the couple I went to see today reminded me of all that we have fought for and achieved in terms of marriage equality.
There was once a time, and it was not so long ago, when people of different ethnic origins were discouraged from getting married and certainly could not if they were the same sex. Now they can, that is a joy and I just love to be a part of that.
Don’t get me wrong, I think we have a way to go, there are still many racists and homophobes out there, there is still resistance, but we are also lucky and I am grateful that in this country, love is love and it can shine freely.

Hand made by a true local craftsman <3

I’m having a week off next week to visit friends and recharge my batteries. I generally don’t do as many funeral services as I used to, and I give myself plenty of breaks because although this is a beautiful and rewarding job, it can also be a tough job, and I do a better job all round if I give myself some space to breathe!
Available for new referrals from Monday 10th February.

Thanks to Nigel Evans from Roots plastic free larder in Stafford for putting me forward for this.
I’m not perfect by any means but I try to do as much as I can to ensure that my business does not contribute to the destruction of our natural world or disrespect it.
I think all of us who work in this industry, an industry that is prone to waste and one offs, should help people to make wise choices for the planet.
... With weddings in particular, a lot of stuff goes into landfill once it’s all over and that is not cool 😎
Personally;
I won’t release balloons. I won’t release lanterns. I won’t release butterflies or doves. I won’t use animals in ceremonies. I won’t send you a keepsake script in a plastic folder. And I won’t be encouraging you to do anything in your ceremony that causes plastic waste.
There are so many beautiful things to say and do that honour and respect the earth. That is cool 😎
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The most perfect gift from a lovely family. The promise of Spring 🌼🌱🌼

Getting married......want to wear something out of the ordinary.......something extraordinary.......go see The Couture Company in Birmingham 💚

I'm on holiday next week, going walking in the Lakes, so realistically now unable to take funeral referrals until the 9th December.

Today we said goodbye to Keith and it was a very personal service largely down to the ideas and the effort of everyone involved.
Firstly the service cards were perfect. Done by Chris Jones at Emery's, they reflected Keith's character over the years and the love he had for his allotment in later life. I could see people looking at them, loving the old black and white photo on the front and enjoying the overall celebratory tone.
Secondly the coffin arrangement was made out of t...he vegetables from his allotment and this mean't so much to his family. They went and collected what they could find and delivered a box of veggies to Becky Emery who made a stupendous tribute. This was put outside after the service and people gathered round to talk about "how Keith" this was!
His grandchildren carried him in all wearing flat caps; a silent but very touching tribute in itself, and one which I fully appreciated once I realised that they weren't all Peaky Blinders fans!
Keith was such an individual, I think he would have loved his service especially as we played his request at the end ...... 'Ring of Fire' by Johnny Cash.
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