Jans Perfect Poems

So I've tried slimming world and lots more besides... this time it's ww (not technically weight watchers anymore)! Let's see how this one goes. Lol
My clothes are getting tighter, they are bursting at the seams, To lose a stone or two would be the answer to my dreams! ... I headed off to weight watchers, it’s now my last resort, I stepped upon the scales and weighed a lot more than I thought!
I felt a bit embarrassed, as I’m only 4’10, I’ve lost weight many times before, and here I go again! The ladies all seemed friendly though, and offered their advice, How many points in chicken breast, in pasta and in rice.
I left the class a bit confused, with so much to digest, But one thing that I know for sure, is I will do my best! I will not buy a bigger size, these clothes are big enough, I’m sure they will feel looser, when I’ve curbed the urge to stuff!
I know that was the hardest step, my journey starts right here, I hope that I’ll achieve my goal, and start to disappear. If I stick rigidly to plan, I know that I’ll be fine, Because can you believe it?....I won’t have to give up wine!
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Today I’m getting ready for my daughters birthday cruise, Where I will eat for England, and drink ever so much booze. I’m sad to leave behind me, lots of family and friends, To board Norwegian Spirit......where the party never ends. Enjoy the peace and quiet, in a flash I’ll be back here,... I wish you Merry Christmas and a wonderful new year.
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I think perhaps I should rename this page...the mad parents poem page!
“We’ll give you a lift” I said, “of course you’re not a bind!” I said this without thinking. Do you think I’ve lost my mind? My husband was the driver, and he’s not a patient man,... This journey could get messy, so imagine if you can...... My parents climbed into the car, with smiles from ear to ear, And then I heard these dreaded words “I can’t find my hole dear!” My mum said “wait a minute please, I just can’t find the slot, I can’t do up my seatbelt. No! No! Ready I am not!” It starts out this way every time, at first it makes me chuckle, As every time they’re in our car, they can’t do up their buckle! “Don’t panic Mum” I shouted, “you know more haste means less speed”. And Dad sat nodding silently, I thought that he agreed. I started to get out to help when Mum said “that’s it done”, Then Dad announced quite loudly, “Lil my seatbelts up my bum!” By now my husbands tutting and he’s revving up the car, My mums hand’s underneath my Dad, maybe a bit too far! He’s telling her to pull it out, she’s calling him a knob, They’re making such a song and dance, it’s not the hardest job! Then click and sigh and quiet, they have done it on their own! But I know we’ll be on repeat, when we are going home!
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Come on Kleenex don’t let political correctness win. They’re tissues and they’re mansize, please don’t change the name.
There’s no more mansize tissues, has this country gone insane? Kleenex please rethink, so we can have them back again. It must have been so awful for this poor confused young lad........ Who asked his silly Mummy...”are these only just for Dad?” What an utter nonsense.....Mummy should have put him right..... I bet when she is in her bed, there’s not a king in sight! How will she explain, that Tena lady’s just a name? Or teach him if he’s thick, he can eat smarties just the same? Who does she think the giant is who buys the tins of corn? If we change everything, it’s more than common sense we’ll mourn! We all need mansize tissues, when our husbands have manflu, Or on that rare occasion.......when an extra large won’t do!
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My parents are a nightmare, and they’re driving me insane, I really can’t believe it, they have been at it again! Why would my Mum jump on my Dad, when he’s watching tv? That is what I asked, and this is what she said to me..... “Well it was getting chilly dear, the window was ajar,... I stretched up high to close it, but I couldn’t reach that far! I climbed upon the sofa, but your Dad was in the way, You’d think that he would move....but I just didn’t like to say! The next thing that I know, is I had stepped upon his toe, He leapt out of his seat and screamed, “that bloody hurt you know?”. By that point I had slipped, and I was lying on the floor!” Now Dad’s toe is still throbbing, and my Mum’s Elbow is sore! No major damage done..... although Mum’s pride may have a dent, The little step she bought herself, was not money well spent! They’re both octogenarians, who think they’re in their prime, But don’t climb on the furniture, you might get hurt next time.
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It’s all very confusing......it is called GDPR, Designed to tell you how secure your details really are! You wouldn’t want your private data shared out everyday, You give details in confidence.....and that’s how it should stay! All payments must be PayPal, so you know that is secure,...
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I have just returned home, from a fun filled, three day cruise! Where it is fair to say, I have been drinking too much booze.... I’ve been eating for England....and this clearly wasn’t right! As I’ve seen my reflection, and it’s not a pretty sight! I disembarked the ship, to find that there is more of me,... I used to have one single chin, now I’ve acquired three! My clothes have shrunk 2 sizes, and my knickers are so tight, Just to pull them up at all, is one almighty fight! So I have just decided, no more cake or crisps for me, Alcohol’s a ‘no’, I will be drinking only tea! I’m eating like a rabbit, there‘ll be diet food galore, I’m learning to say ‘no’, when asked if I would like some more! I won’t buy bigger sizes, when my seams give up and bust, Until I lose some weight, I’ll go out naked if I must! If you should get a glimpse of that, I must apologise, I hope that all my wobbly bits, will soon shrink down in size. It better not take too long, although I have lots to lose, Because this year for Christmas, I am going on a cruise!
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They’re at it again! There’s no hope for me is there?
“We’ve run out of kitchen roll” my Mum said to my Dad, “I’m off to buy another.....like the last one that we had! It may have cost a little more, but it was really strong”...... Dad jumped up and got his coat......”ok I’ll come along!”
He is no spring chicken, and can often lag behind, But he carries the shopping, as he’s thoughtful and he’s kind. Mum was in a hurry, she said “you wait in the car..... I’m only buying Plenty, and the shop is not that far”
If she was buying plenty, she would surely need him too, They didn’t even take a bag.....He thought they’d need a few! Mum marched to the kitchen roll, and got one from the shelf, She only came for Plenty, and could manage one herself.
Meanwhile Dad was wondering, what else was on her list, She wasn’t buying plenty......was there something she had missed? They both laughed as the penny dropped, how funny ‘Plentygate’, Next week she’s going for a flash.......and Dad can hardly wait!
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You’re due for your smear test! I see these words and sigh, Surely not already? But we all know time can fly! Let’s not beat around the bush.....if you’ll pardon the pun, It’s not a thing I relish, and not my idea of fun!
... I walk into the treatment room , consumed with trepidation, How stupid am I? It’s not a major operation! The silver speculum, looks like a thing from outer space, What is more alarming, is the look on nurses face!
“Pop up here upon the couch, don’t look so worried please!” “Strip your clothes off to your waist, lay down and bend your knees.” Then the moment has arrived.......where did she put that stick? She’d stuck it where the sun don’t shine......thank God it was so quick!
No one wants to go along, the process isn’t fun, But it’s not time consuming, one quick blink and its all done. There is nothing found, I’m off the hook until next year, This is why I went, and I can smile from ear to ear.
The number of us being screened, is falling all the time, This procedure’s vital! Not to have it is a crime! If you have a problem, find it now......without delay, Please don’t put it off girls, it could save your life today!
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Merry Christmas.
I can’t say this year was all fun, we’ve had our share of stress, But we survived, and came through fairly happy none the less! I know that we are lucky really, and I shouldn’t whine,... There are many who have problems, far greater than mine. I’d like to wish you merry Christmas, and say thanks to all, There’s lots of festive fun ahead, I hope you have a ball! I really do appreciate your undying support, I’m grateful for each phone call, and each kind and caring thought. Let Santa Claus be kind, and bring you all you’re hoping for, And bring you all good health, great wealth, and happiness galore. Join me and raise your glasses, and thank God this year has past, And hope that next year brings us all some happiness at last!
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Norman got locked in the loo!
My Dad is 87, but he’s still a family man, He likes to watch my grandson playing football....when he can! He won’t go when it’s raining, but he loves it when it’s fine... You’ll find him on the touchline, if the sun decides to shine! Today he went to watch a match, but it was really cold! And peeing gets more frequent, when it’s chilly and you’re old. He tried to wait for half time, but he really had to pee.... He thought the clubhouse had a loo, so wandered off to see. My daughter and my hubby, who were also there spectating, Didn’t realise at first, how long they had been waiting. When finally the penny dropped, the second half had started, It had been an age by then, since my Dad had departed! Omg where’s Grandad gone? Perhaps he’s fallen ill, Or maybe he was sheltering, the wind packed quite a chill! They both looked at the building, which by now was quite deserted, It was all in darkness, and the pair were disconcerted. The manager was leaving, he had turned off every light, When he found out my Dad was inside, he got quite a fright. Meanwhile my Dad had found the loo, and he had had his pee, But suddenly there was no light, and he just couldn’t see! He couldn’t find his bearings, so he sidled round the floor, Shouting “ someone help me please!” As he looked for the door! My hubby and my daughter laughed so much they nearly cried, It could have been relief, because at first they thought he’d died! But all is well that ends well, after a Dad came out the loo, My Grandsons team were winners.....and the match ended 6-2!
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No one should ever forget.
Please think for a moment, about horrors of a war, Imagining the trenches, bodies strewn across the floor. The sound of young men screaming, as their lives come to an end,... The sight of soldiers tears, as they have lost another friend. The stench of smoke and death.....are you thinking of it yet? For some this was reality......lest we forget!
Please think for a moment, about happiness and fun, A quiet round of golf, or a cocktail in the sun. The sound of children laughing, as they run around and play, A meal out with your friends, or your tree on Christmas Day. The smell of cake and coffee.....are you thinking of it yet? Too many lives were lost for us.......lest we forget.
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Coming home from work last night, my husbands train was late, he was so frustrated, as we had a dinner date! The reason for his long delay, was still very unclear, But he got home eventually, and opened up a beer! This morning upon waking, some sad news has come to light,... Someone committed suicide, and stopped the trains last night. It has left me full of questions.....I am asking why? What happened in their life, to make them feel they had to die? If they have left a family, how ever will they cope? Maybe things felt normal, when in fact there was no hope! Male or female? Black or white? I doubt I’ll ever know, But no one should feel so alone, to fight this hidden foe. Rest in peace you tortured soul, for you have no more sorrow, The trains will run on time today.......but what about tomorrow?
Jans perfect poems 2017
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Does anyone else hate shopping?
"I'm Popping out to get a loaf, be back in just a mo" I shout out to my hubby, grabbing keys before I go. I've written down the things I need, they're all here on my list,... It makes the shopping easier, and items don't get missed! I barely step inside the shop, before I spot the sign, A discount if you buy 6 bottles..... that's sorted the wine! I know that they aren't written down, but frugal I must be, These are quite unmissable, I'm saving instantly! Quickly I discard my list, I need to use both hands, Floating down upon the floor, I don't spot where it lands! I start to search but get distracted, by 4 cans of beer, Money off as ones been dented, I can't leave these here! A bogoff on the chocolate bars, my grandkids like to eat, A multipack of crisps on offer....what a thrifty treat! There's a bargain markdown sticker, on a fresh cream cake! I struggle through the checkout......ninety quid! For goodness sake! That'll be the apples, diet food costs such a lot! I wouldn't mind but diets suck.....and losing weight I'm not! Finally home and all unpacked, I'd better make the lunch, I feel like something's missing......oh perhaps it's just a hunch? Wait a minute where's the bread? The bread I went out for...... "I'm popping to the shop", I shout as I go out the door.
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These come round too quickly......guess where I'm off to today? 😱
Good morning ladies, I have here a story to retell, It's all about the mammogram, to keep your boobies well. Twas when I reached the age of fifty, that my letter came,... From the general hospital, addressed to me by name. It takes only a moment, that is what my letter said, I had a pre planned shopping trip, now I'd have this instead! So off I went all smiles I was, and booked in right on time, They said to undress to my waist, and I was doing fine. I went into the scanning room, a grin from ear to ear, The radiographer then said, "put your right boob in here!" A big glass slab then moved a bit, and then a little more, My boob which was a B cup, could now drag upon the floor. Just like a truck had flattened it, by driving in reverse, I thought that it was over, but what happened next was worse! The big glass slab then flipped over, and squeezed me from above, I didn't want to hear these words...."Time for the left one love!" My boobs were left like pastry, but before its baked to crust, Wide and long and flat, my nipples sweeping up the dust. On my way out they said I'd get a letter in the post....... Thank goodness mine's a 'nothing found', the bit I liked the most. It's not a place I'd choose to go, I can't say that it's great, But mammograms save lives, and I would never miss my date. The 30 seconds that it takes, will give you peace of mind, We can all beat cancer girls ......if cancers there to find!
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You cheeky little monkey Adam.....and you're only 8! That's awesome Lego building, but what are you saying mate? I asked if you would make me something for our caravan, (The first thing that springs into mind, about Grandad and Nan). This tiny little project didn't take you too much time,... You said "I've made it.....here it is!" ......and gave me beer and wine!
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Perhaps you love your boyfriend, even though he drives you mad? You'd like to thank your party host, and say what fun you had? You're marrying your soulmate and you need a lasting gift? A perfect small apology, to mend a silly rift.? A thank you note to bring a smile, to your Mum of the bride?... To tell your friend you'll miss them, as they travel far and wide? Memorial? A wedding? Anniversary? .........and more A poem maybe just the gift that you are searching for! So just drop me a message, and I'll write yours right away, Whoever the recipient......you're sure to make their day!X
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Mummy can I have a drink? Mum will you play ball? Mummy can I stay up late? I've had a little fall! Just one more biscuit please Mum, of course I'll eat me tea, Ooops I'm sorry Mummy, but I couldn't wait to wee! 'I need this please', Or 'can I have', is all I hear all day! ... But I love you and wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't change you for the world, you really melt my heart, I'll have peace and quiet now....until the next hols start!
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Manchester we're with you, everyone in our brave land, We won't be defeated, and with you we'll make a stand. Ordinary families, forever torn apart, Our nation has been scarred by this, we have a broken heart. Remember all the victims, don't give terrorists your time,... They've killed innocent children! Which is such an evil crime! So terrorists you do your worst, we're not afraid at all, We stand up with Manchester, together we won't fall!
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Wow! I sent jan a message last last night, she contacted me this morning and within about an hour I had the most perfect poem for my husband to be, which he will get on our wedding day! It's totally personal to us. Jan didn't mind when I kept making changes, nothing was a problem. Well worth the money, a very talented and kind hearted lady. Thank you so much I can't wait to give him his poem! X

Well....for starters, make sure before you open up your poem that you are wearing WATERPROOF mascara as You look a total mess half way through reading it!! ��



Janet is an absolute star and so talented at what she does. Reading the poem made me feel she actually knew us and who the poems intended for. So personal and gorgeous. We loved it that much I've ordered another one for someone else!



Thank you so much Jan. xxxx

Well what can I say! Jan is a lovely lovely lady with an incredible talent! Enquired about a poem last night and had my poem by this morning and it was spot on! Used the information I gave her and got a perfect poem in return! I can proudly say she made me cry! Would definitely recommend this lady! Thank you so so much for your hard work! Will be back again I'm sure! Anyone looking for a poem you know where to go! Thanks again xx

This lady is amazing...

Jan wrote me a poem for my husband for our anniversary and it is fantastic..she wrote it as if she actually knew him and us as a couple..he absolutely loved it..brought him to tears..

Even pointed me in the direction of another Lady who printed and framed it..

If you are looking for something with a personal touch this is the lady to speak to..

Thank you Jan after a harrowing few weeks you made our day special..

Lots of love to you xxxx

Oh my goodness. What a talented lady. She came up with an absolute gem of a poem for my son's birthday and I can't wait to give it to him and see his face. What a lovely present to give someone

Jan wrote a beautiful poem for my father in law from our kids. She asked the questions, I gave her the answers and she whipped up an absolute beauty in no time at all! It went down a treat, it’s the first time I’ve seen him lost for words! Highly recommend as a unique personal gift x

Jan wrote a Beautiful bespoke poem for my in laws Ruby Wedding Anniversary from our children, they absolutely loved it, great service! Will be returning!

Jan worked tirelessly to get the perfect poem. She gathered lots of details and included every one in the finished poem. She was lovely to work with and very quick to respond to messages. I would definitely recommend her to everyone. Thank you so much Jan, it was very well received :)

Jan made a poem from my dog Echo to his human Daddy for Christmas. Jan was helpful and very quick! We made a small change -which was no trouble at all! Highly recommend and will be using again. The poem was going to go in his Christmas card but is far to good for that so it will be framed with a picture so we can keep on show. Again fantastic!!

Jan is truly an amazing talented lady, I enquired about a poem for my sons teacher earlier on today and had it by this evening, it was absolutely beautiful and can't thank her enough would definitely use again. Thank you again for the time and effort you put into it

Jan is amazing! I can't believe how quickly she writes the most amazing poems just based on a few details that you give her. I will definitely be using her again in the future!

Jan has just written me two fantastic poems. The first one was spot on in it's first draft. The second took a few more edits because I wasn't totally sure what I wanted. Already thinking of what I need in poem 3. Wonderful service.

Its my mums 70th Birthday on the 18th of October and as a little something extra I had my mum a poem done and I can honestly say this lady is so talented, I was amazed at how good it was. The price is fantastic too. I will definitely be using Jan again. Very responsive with messaging you back and its ready in no time. A+ from me xx

Incredible customer service and even more incredible poems.very talented and special lady..you have a very happy customer who will be back xx

I've just come across this page on Facebook and I'm amazed at the beautiful poetry on this page some funny some sad but all really down to earth an amazing talent here x I will defiantly be ordering soon x

I need a higher number to rate this page as i have just had the most amazing poem sent to me if i was good with words anyone would think i had wrote it. The message i recieved of this fantastic woman after my poem had been finalised put me in tears (happy tears.) she is amazing and highly recommended. Thankyou again xx

I cannot recommend this lady's work enough! It is simply brilliant! She wrote me an absolutely beautiful thank you poem thanking someone for their hard work within a very emotional context and it instantly brought tears to my eyes and to the person who received the poem as a gift. So talented, thank you so much! She worked very efficiently as well and I will be using her talent again soon!

Couldn't recommend enough. Jan wrote a beautiful poem for my mums birthday. I gave Jan a few details about my family and what we wanted to say and she produced a completely unique poem in next to no time. My mum absolutely loved it and it made her special day a bit more special.

Thank you so much Jan x

Amazing!! I have just received the most amazing personal poem for my husbands birthday. I don't know how she does it but that's pure talent! Thank you so much! You made me cry happy tears x x x