The Tap House, Lancaster

I've heard your money call you names behind your back. Get rid of it.

Overheard: "I'm no Scientologist, but I want you to grip these two dicks and tell me about how stressed you are. I call them my Peen-metres"

Today is the final shift of a much loved and long serving member of staff as she flies the coop and moves on to pastures green. Pop down, buy Caitlin a drink, wish her best of luck in #manchester and then lob your empty glass at her for abandoning me.

This Bank Holiday, we hope you'll consider supporting local business and craft brewing. For less than the price of a new dog, we can bark nonsense at you without drooling in your lap.

I'm sorry to announce that, due to a consistently poor turnout, the decision has been made to kill the open mic permanently. Thank you to everyone who has supported and regularly performed at the event, especially to Dan Liptrott, for working tirelessly to help keep the night alive and for his invaluable contributions to the otherwise flourishing music scene in Lancaster.

This is your daily reminder that you can help support our business and the continual degradation of culture it represents. Celebrate, craft brewing and social entropy with us and @fivepointsbrew, as they breathe new life into traditional, less fashionable beer styles.

Due to a personnel injury, I'm afraid there will be no open mic tonight.Due to a personnel injury, I'm afraid there will be no open mic tonight.

I'm here to remind you to support local business and craft brewing. For less than the price of sourcing raw building materials, we can instead lob bricks at you whenever you open your mouth.

This is your reminder to support local business and craft brewing. For less than a typical political donation, you can let us lie to your face while doing nothing to actually improve your life, and in fact, making it slightly worse.

This Thursday is brought to you by @inedit and the following life hack: if you take a men's and a women's multivitamin at the same time, you get sixty seconds of invulnerability.

It's that time of week again. Please note that your fingers will be confiscated if you play anywhere else.

It begins! Music soothes the savage hangover.

Don't forget, this May Day is brought to you by banging local tunes, cracking beer and poor Photoshop skills.

Overheard: "I couldn't wait to go to uni and be independent. Then I saw the price of cheese..."Overheard: "I couldn't wait to go to uni and be independent. Then I saw the price of cheese..."

**EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT**
We are THRILLED to announce a Mayday spectacle stuffed sole to scalp with sterling local talent from half past twelve until whenever I goddamn say so.
Maggie McCreath - 12:30-13:30... Danny Liptrott music - 14:00-13:00 Amy Rae - Musician - 15:30-16:30 Fay Marie Music - 16:45-17:45 Catch a Fox - 18:00-19:00 RockitMan - 19:30-21:30
See More

Exciting gubbins in the works for mayday. Awaiting finalisation. You lobitomite chuds need to watch this space.Exciting gubbins in the works for mayday. Awaiting finalisation. You lobitomite chuds need to watch this space.

This week's beer is brought to you by, Hawkshead brewery, #mosaichops and the realisation that you'll never be as successful as your parents.
...I'm not certain that this right platform to air out my deeply ingrained parental issues. But hey, it's cheaper than therapy.

Come for the tunes. Stay for the beer. Become a regular for the verbal abuse.