Brighton Couple Coach

Welcome to my information page.
If you are looking for a straightforward, no-wait counselling/psychotherapy service please call or text on 07429409336 or email: brightonhovecounselling@gmail.com
Feel free to ask any questions you have about therapy or my service, or just make an initial appointment so we can assess what you need.
... I have many years of experience, I’m fully qualified, and you can see me weekly or fortnightly, until you feel you have got what you need.
I do Integrative - that means drawing from a wide range of theory and practice - work, and I am a relationship and couple specialist. I’m also a qualified addiction counsellor and specialise in couple and relationship therapy.
I have experience in working with anxiety, phobias, OCD, depression, trauma, abuse, bereavement, addiction, including gambling and pornography, workplace conflict and behaviour issues, disability, gender and sexuality, fertility, family problems, menopause, retirement, and post addiction work.
You’ll also find many useful articles covering a range of issues people bring into therapy here, on my Facebook individual psychotherapy page: https://www.facebook.com/Psychotherapy-14 1171492632124/ and on my website. www.brightonhovecounselling.co.uk
*Bereavement is not usually a mental health issue, but for some people, a loss brings up issues which can be helped with counselling.
I am unable to work with very serious mental health issues which should be handled by GP referral to a psychiatric team.
Counselling is conducted in my home which is a safe space, and completely confidential.
I follow the ethical code of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy of which I am a registered member and I adhere to the diversity and inclusion policy.
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No wait, private, couple and relationship counselling service.

Sometimes I give a copy of this to people who are struggling with communications. I hope people find it useful. EMOTIONAL LITERACY SKILLS by Rhiannon Daniel Emotional literacy is not the same thing as ‘emotional intelligence’. Emotional literacy is the art of adopting an open, neutral, stance and creating a very clear and respectful dialogue. This stance is the best method of resolving conflict. Many people have never learned how to do this but with practice it is possible....
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CONTRACTS AND RELATIONSHIP
There are many different kinds of contracts in human interaction. Millions of legal ones, of course. Being hired for something also produces millions of contracts.
Contracts are agreements, with rules, that people sign up for.
... Then there are less formal contracts. If you join a sports club, or some hobby group, or engage with some educational institution, or take out a subscription to something, these are all contracts, because they state what the nature of your interaction with the group or institution is going to be. You know the rules. You know what you expect of them, and they know what they expect of you.
Basically, contracts are about Clarity, Commitment and Trust.
But there are billions of other contracts we all make with other people and these are often not so clear. Sometimes they are not even stated. These are tacit contracts, where both people think they know what to expect. It’s fine if these match - if they don’t then down the line, this can cause issues to arise.
Relational Contracts are as a result, a minefield.
When we ‘fall in love’ or make a new friendship, and even as we are raising children, not all of us sit down and make agreements about how things will be done, who will do them, what our expectations are of one another, and so on.
This is a major cause of conflict in relationships. It’s very difficult to sit another person down in the early stages of a new relationship of any kind and talk about the main points as detailed above.
On the other hand, once children are old enough, it’s a really good idea to have maybe family meetings, or just discussion with our children as to what the rules are and what you expect from them. A lot of people don’t even do this.
If you are conflicting because you have suddenly discovered you and a partner are not on the same page, there are lots of things you can do to resolve and heal the situation.
If things are really bad, or you have arrived at a crisis, the therapy space is a great environment to explore what has gone wrong, and the couple therapist will also be able to help you re-contract with one another in a safe and calm way. And give the couple some useful tools for ensuring that they know how to resolve future issues.
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I've been thinking a lot about how much conflict is going on in the World right now.
It seems that serious schisms in ours, and other cultures, are deeper than usual. This does happen throughout history, and each time there is a standoff, more and more people learn how negative and destructive this is.
People have enormous 'filters' and 'lenses' through which we see and sort what comes towards us based on experience. This is not enough. We have to be able to understand other ...
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WHY LYING HURTS RELATIONSHIPS
The recent revelations that the wealthy and celebrated have been routinely using ‘non-disclosure agreements’, where you pay for silence where there’s been wrongdoing, has brought the issue of truth and lies into sharp focus.
Of course, human beings have lied since the dawn of civilisation.
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Changes in my couple therapy service.
I now have availability for online sessions. You can use Skype, or iPhone Facetime.
Sessions must be prepaid on the day. For appointments and details please contact me.
... Attending in person is not always possible. If you are a long way away, have young children or are unable to get to me for other reasons please contact me to set up online sessions.
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We all marry the 'wrong' person because we are all looking for the perfect person. de Botton also talks about why we approach marriage/relationship from a misunderstanding, of our own processes, and of expectation. This can be processed in couple therapy of course. Once people get some insight, and learn to relate realistically, relationships improve dramatically.

I am very worried about this cultural shift. I think it's caused by a combination of technology, materialism out of control, and media which has taken an oversimplified version of Personal Development and mobilised into talent shows and reality TV, suggesting to people that anything is possible. It just isn't. The worst excesses of this are the twin horrors of people being famous just for being famous, and people with zero talent freaking out when they're turned down by talen...t shows.
The rise in the incidence of Extreme Narcissism is the result of overemphasis on 'specialness' which has leached into parenting in the past twenty or thirty years. Parents need to explain to children that while they are special to loved ones, they're not special per se.
And more importantly, if you do have a talent, or a determination to succeed at something, you have to put the work in. It crops up in my practice all the time, people have a jawdropping lack of sensitivity, concern and attention to their partners and children, preferring to simply bolt them on to their self absorbed carefully crafted 'lifestyle' without ever thinking that everyone has different needs and preferences.
You may yourself be in a relationship where your or your partner's assumptions about how much control we can have over our lives are skewed, and it is causing difficulties.
Life with co operation and consideration really is happier, this is possible with some guidance as to how to approach one another's needs in a more functional way.
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If Parenting Is Straining Your Relationship
School holidays are on the horizon again ..... but are you dreading them?
Many couples who consult me find themselves beginning to realise that the behaviour of a child or children in the family, has become the cause of conflict in their relationship.
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Coping with a Crisis
In any functioning, long term relationship, it’s a given that a commitment is made at some point. Things are going well, so many of us make pledges of long term, and usually monogamous, connection.
While some relationships begin in the full knowledge that one or both already has a disability or health problem, when illness or accidents happen suddenly to couples who were previously fine, it tests some people in ways they had not anticipated.
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Holidays like Easter are an interesting time for therapists. As with other holiday times, people often delay addressing their relationship issues, until after a holiday. In some ways that makes sense, we are busy, we are sometimes on a tight budget.
But if you are in crisis, holidays, as sources of stress, are right up there with moving house, redundancy, illness and financial problems.
... Holidays are supposed to be times of relaxation, fun and spending time with loved ones.
But the pressure of planning, organising, and getting the most out of breaks can simply add to underlying conflict.
Apart from the financial pressures, and the pre organisation that must be done we are still expected to focus on our everyday tasks.
We may have over excited children on school breaks to contend with, and, for some couples, if you too are on holiday from work, there is now another adult in the house and if there is underlying conflict there is no escape.
If you have invited relatives at Easter this brings a whole raft of new challenges. If they have 'difficult' personalities, or you are trying to hard to make it a fantastic Easter, this can spark extra stresses, because most of us don't hang out with our families for several days at a time for the rest of the year..
Sometimes, the desire for the 'perfect' holiday can add an extra burden, many of us like to take things to the max and often feel either thwarted or disappointed when things go wrong. We may, without realising it, 'dump' our frustration and anxiety on loved ones.
Alcohol and overeating rich food can also add to the mix, people feel that they can kick back and this often includes drinking too much. Alcohol is both a disinhibitor and depressant, so many couples report the fights are worse when one or both has been drinking. And if you get up the next morning after drinking too much, anxiety often kicks in until your body chemistry stabilises.
All therapy is a challenge at first, and often brings up painful issues, and while I am a committed, emotionally non-violent therapist, some discomfort in therapy is actually a good thing, but just before a holiday is not necessarily a good time to lift the lid on difficulties.
On the other hand, many couples in acute crisis find that just starting therapy and identifying their goals can be a relief in itself.
I often recommend that couples in crisis leave their conflicts temporarily boundaried within the therapy room. With a little effort, it is possible to avoid flashpoints until you've worked through the possible solutions in the safe space that your therapist can provide.
If people find that this holiday has been just too much for them, remember that, as I have said, this often means unusually high levels of stress, and it's perhaps not a good time to have a meltdown and then make some ill considered, irrevocable decisions.
Just after a holiday meltdown might be the time to take courage and try to resolve underlying issues.
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